Oh. My. God. That movie rocks! I love it almost as much as Tropic Thunder. They are BOTH totally hilarious. I love Will Ferrell. He is GREAT! I swear to goodness there isn't one movie that doesn't show him off in his undies. And it was even funnier to see John C. Reilly, the brother of Will in Step Brothers. He's funny too. Those two are like Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter or Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider. They are a pair meant to be in movies. Haha.
Another thing that I forgot to share; I keep seeing kids from my private high school, Kennedy! They don't notice me but I remember their faces. I can't remember some people's names however I'm good with face recognition. It's nice to see that they chose this college also; shows that I have decent taste.
I took another Italian test today!! I needed to get that done... Immediately. I was stressing over that test for so long because my first Italian test I bombed. I studied hard during math. I feel good about it! I feel as though I at least passed it! Tomorrow I will be taking a math test. I think this one's going to be easy since the section was pretty simple. I hardly did the work. I could have solved the problems in my sleep. ;)
Talking about classes, I learned a couple days ago that one of the students in my Italian class is 27!! He looks like MY age!!! Sheesh, if I were single and began hitting on him, I would have felt ultra awkward after getting to know how old he REALLY is.
And speaking of AGE... I emailed Perverted Justice this evening telling them about IMVU. I've always wanted to do what they do; hunt down pedophiles over the internet. I'm thinking about volunteering. I don't know the age limit to that but I do know the age limit in becoming a colleague, you have to be 21 and up. I don't think I'll ever work for them. However, volunteering sounds like a BLAST. I could hook them up with IMVU and my avatar. OR, I'd be sneaky and create a SEPARATE avatar JUST for luring in the creeps. IMVU has plenty of sexual clothing I could buy for my "secret" avatar. Then, I'd chose my victim and see if he would begin flirting with me or wanting to meet up with me. I'd have to act like I'm 13 or even 15 though. And the men I'd be trying to get a hold of would have to be over 18. I'd most likely look for older gents; about 40 or so. I think I have a knack in doing something such as this. Shoot, I've dealt with chat sites since 2007. I believe I'm skilled to a point of knowing what goes down over the web.
An hour ago I got letters from Mason!!! He rolled his ankle in half during a hike. That was concerning. But it sounds like he's feeling better. He's trooping it out like a MAN, as he says. Haha.
He's starting to notice my mood change in the letters. I'm trying to stay as positive as I can but Mason knows me like the back of his hand. He can tell when I'm not doing so hot anymore. He told me to quit saying sorry over the past. He said, "What happens in the past doesn't matter because there's nothing you can do to change it right? Why get stuck on the fact that you could've done something when you can't now? What matters is how you rise from the incident and prove who they really are." He states he heard that from one of his SGTs. Another thing he added was, "That's what you need to do my sweet love <3 STOP worrying about the past and look at how we can make our future better <3"
I teared up when I read that. I've been stuck in my past ever since my first relationship over the INTERNET. I've never learned how to move forward. Everyone around me knows how to move forward; or they can play it off very well. I guess over the years of dealing with crappy situations or making mistakes due to my behalf has piled so high and so thick that I am trying to file it down from the beginning; little by little. I have this determination of trying to change my past, thinking it'll do me some good for my future. However, as you can probably notice, it's not working. I'm not saying I have turned into an evil monster or something, I'm just saying that by dwelling on my past, I've become conscience on who I am today. I want to be "perfect". I don't want to hurt anyones feelings, I don't want to make myself look dumb or bossy, etc... I want to be a role model. How can I do that? I don't know... I guess by starting to like who I am? Because honestly, I don't think I'm all that... well... GRAND.
I suppose I'm stressing a lot over myself sometimes treating Mason a bit irrationally because his life isn't the most spectacular and he thinks I am a Godsend. I feel like a Godsend to him. I'm proud to be able to provide him happiness in times of need. Yet whenever I'm depressed or moody or... negative... I turn to him for venting. And sometimes I bicker AT him. Sure, some of the things he's done can be scorned at, but silly things like him talking about a certain video game all the time can piss me off. It gets me annoyed when somebody talks about something every day in which doesn't interest me. I enjoy talking about stuff that I'M interested in. If Mason is interested in it also, AWESOME! If he isn't, I'd appreciate it if he told me so I don't continue blabbering about what I like and he doesn't.
Anyway... What I'm trying to say here is... I don't want to become part of the issues that he has already faced in his life or is STILL facing. I want to be that Godsend. I want to be that girlfriend that everyone wants. And I don't mean a slutty broad who has big boobs and a giant ass. I mean the type of girl who's innocent and has a wonderful personality and is enjoyable to be around all the stinkin' time. Yet I've been criticized, I've been shunned, I've been cheated on and I've been mentally abused, I've been teased, I've been ditched... and most of the time I think it's my fault. I don't want to keep screwing up. I want everyone to LOVE me! I know Mason loves me and I know others do too... Nevertheless, I want to be BETTER. There is no limitation to how great I can become! I want to be the light of peoples worlds! I want people to come to me if they need assistance and I'd be there with open arms!
I don't want to be the stereotype of what has enveloped most people nowadays; rude, untrustworthy, bland, fake, uncaring, and sleazy. However, being surrounded by those people can be hard to not turn into one of them.
I also need to realize that who I am, is who I am. Mason loves me for who I am. My actual friends and family love me for who I am and don't give a damn what other people have to say about me.
... I don't know... It's just - every time I do something wrong in the relationship or do something that makes me feel guilty afterwards has me thinking, "Oh God... I'm slipping through the cracks! Sooner or later I'm going to become a problem for Mason; another stressor placed on his shoulders. He doesn't need that!" So, I beat the crud out of myself and feel the need to say sorry a thousand and one times AND try to fix the past "issues" that I believe are needing a special fixing.
Hey, you know, at least Mason is doing good. That's all that matters right now.
P.S: A MONTH AND 14 DAYS TO GO!!!!
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