Day 159 of San Diego

I'm not in deep crap with Mason. He actually forgave me... That same night. Or, at least, that's what I got from him asking me if we are still saying Goodnight to each other with a heart at the end of the sentence. 

My day wasn't superb. I was down in the dumps. I was ASHAMED. And confused. I couldn't understand why Mason wanted to even acknowledge my existence today after a thing like what happened yesterday occurred. 

But Mason keeps telling me that he's fine and keeps talking to me and continues to tell me that he loves me. 

He's acting as if nothing happened. 

Yet he did reveal to me how he felt about the situation. He also let me know that he let it go after a little. 

I wish I could let things go as quickly as he. 

I love Mason. I didn't mean any harm. But, he's right. It wasn't my mom's business what I told her. I am notorious, though, to tell my parents everything about people. It's in the genes... My family gossips like no tomorrow...

I just hope Mason's telling the truth on that he still loves me the same and that he, pretty much, forgives me. 

He even sent me a love song by the Bee Gees called "Love You Inside and Out." He told me that that's how he feels about me. <3

Hey! Has anyone seen a caterpillar yet? I have! It was black with orange spots. I hung out with him for a good half hour before introducing him to a nice, safe garden until running off to class. 

I can't wait to see them all over. They're too cute! And very beautiful when they become butterflies. :)

 

Day 158 of San Diego

You know how you're so upset, your heart feels like a rock? My heart feels like that today. It's beating hard and slow; struggling to circulate the thick blood through my thin veins. 

My life is a struggle right now. But I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm here to give you a reason why people should dislike me:

I talked about Mason to mom without realizing I hadn't muted him on Skype. I won't repeat what I said. It wasn't anything horrible. I was telling mom what Mason used to do that concerned me. But I don't know if Mason got that far in the conversation... He ended the call without me noticing. I read in the message board, "I heard what you said." 

I guess the Mute button on your laptop doesn't mute your microphone. 

Word to the unwise. 

I'm not going to defend myself and say, "Well, Mason shouldn't have been listening anyway!" That's stupid! I got busted. I deserve the punishment. 

I'm letting Mason have some space. I doubt he wants to talk to me.

I know I would be upset if Mason started talking about stuff I did in my past.

I'm not looking for forgiveness right now. I'm not looking for it for a couple days. 

I admit it. I deserve to be scorned down upon. It was my fault. I shouldn't have brought up the subject. 

You should have seen the look on his face when I peeked at the screen after I started babbling... 

On another note... Here are some Selfies with my cat Fluffy. Maybe these will lighten the mood:

Day 157 of San Diego

My Nutrition teacher told us that proteins are made up of chains of amino acids. Amino acid chains are decided by your DNA. My teacher then told us that every time we look at someone and notice their weight, their height, their hair color, etc., we are seeing their proteins.

Now, I'm tempted to walk up to a random stranger and tell them, "Hey. Your proteins are showing."

DU-DUM, TSS!

Hey, imaginary readers!

FELIZ CINCO DE MAYO, AMIGOS!

You know what I did to celebrate May 5th?...

Absolutely nothing related to Mexicans.

... Actually, I didn't party whatsoever...

In other news, I'm not feeling better. I'm in that type of mood where, "Gee, a lot of crap is hitting the fan. Should I SERIOUSLY care anymore? PROBABLY NOT."

Unless it's something terrible like my mom having an anxiety attack or Mason unable to come home.

However, I'm not saying I'm NOT pissed off at the situations.

I'm just trying to convince myself that... crap happens. I can deal with it the smart way (talk it out), or I don't have to deal with it at all.

I mostly talk stuff out because I feel if I don't, I'll have a burden on my chest. I also don't want anyone else to have one.

I may consider therapy in the next couple of days if my mood doesn't change.

Honestly, I think it's just trauma from leaving Mason. I didn't even cry when I left. Sure, I got teary-eyed, but shockingly I didn't bawl my eyes out.

I did a few days back. Maybe those tears resembled leaving Mason as well as dealing with the stupid crap I was dealing with that day.

I do miss Mason...

When I saw him for the first time in four months, it felt like we weren't ever apart. The memories of how I felt while being away from him dispersed in an instant. Those feelings didn't matter anymore. I wanted to feel new feelings; happier feelings.

I miss those happier feelings just as much as I miss my hubby.

Fields of Old

"This land symbolizes the rhythm of the people, as it was formed through generations of farmers shaping it with irrigation," says John Qu, a member of our Your Shot community. "It is a rare phenomenon of man-made beauty disguised as a natural occurrence."

Qu captured the photo of the Yuanyang rice terraces while traveling in China's Yunnan Province. "I've traveled to this place multiple times, purposely in the winter, when the rice terraces are flooded. I've gone through the entire area and observed that the light at sunset, with the reflection and high angle, would make the terraces look more like a piece of abstract art, yet with real trees and huts. The shot was taken from a mountain above. I waited a few days for the perfect moment."

Day 156 of San Diego

I... had... SO much homework today... I had to read a short story for ENGL, I had to read four stories for SOC (I'd call them long essays...), and I had to take care of six pages worth of questions for NUTR.

I don't really want to talk about what happened yesterday. Until this late afternoon, I began feeling better. I think I became unknowingly depressed from leaving Mason. I honestly didn't want to head back home. San Diego felt like home. I was having a great time there; going out to eat, taking walks - the weather was perfect, mind you. Although my mom was there for a business trip, I think she had a decent time as well. She was glad to see Mason. So was I, of course. <3

I hope the depression doesn't last too long. It's... pretty bad. I'm not sure if I'm acting this way ONLY because I'm upset I had to leave Mason. I didn't think it would be that traumatic considering we deal with leaving one another every time Mason's on Leave. I would figure I'm used to the back-and-forth situation. Maybe it'll take a bit longer...

I... don't have much to say about today... Tomorrow starts another week of school.

However, I do have a question... Why do humans assume weekends are "time off" days? I think they're more of "make up" days. We're too busy over the weekdays to finish everything, so we have to wait until the weekend (which is supposed to contribute to relaxation) to catch up. Thanks, WORK.

Goodnight!

Day 155 of San Diego

I don't feel right. 

My slogan lately has been "I don't need to become an experimental project to be the invisible woman."

I'm not feeling the love anymore. Society seems to be neglecting me; harsher than usual. I mean, I've always been the outcast. It's not new. But I would like the feeling to be less crude. 

I've been putting myself down. Telling myself that I'm ugly, worthless; a waste of space. Some people are treating me like that-one-girl-they-know "friend." They used to really like me, yet I suddenly became old news. 

What am I supposed to do? Go back to therapy? I don't want to go back to therapy for right now. I want to face my problems head on! Act like a goddamn grownup for Christ's sake!

Ah, whatever. This post is probably making people miserable. I'll end it here. 

Another random picture. Enjoy:

Day 154 of San Diego

TGIF!!!!

Ugh, I wanted to skip today so bad... But I couldn't because I had an in-class essay. God, those scare me. I don't know the "method" to writing them! I have to kind of guess! 

Anyway, the rest of my day was decent. I'm glad to be home. I'm ready to pass out for the night. It's been pretty hot lately and I'm guessing the heat and my allergies are kicking my butt, causing me to feel lethargic. 

BUT DON'T TAKE AWAY THE HEAT!!!! Sunny days with blue skies make Pay Pay happy. :)

Well, I'm going to get back to Lockup and see if Mason's still awake. 

Here's a silly picture of a London Underground poster. I found it on iFunny. Too funny!:

Day 153 of San Diego

Ugh! I don't want to write this post! Therefore, I will make it short. 

I didn't want to go to school today. School equals learning. Learning plus sleepiness equals boredom. Boredom equals not wanting to learn. Not wanting to learn plus learning equals zero. 

MATH, BITCHEZ!

I'm too tired to care whether or not I'm making any damn sense.

I'm going to end it here, folks! Enjoy a picture of a popcorn bag I bought that was only a third full!