Day 91 of San Diego

I FINISHED MY STORY!!!! ITS A MASTERPIECE!!!! I actually smiled when I was done reading it over. I'm very proud of myself. :)

I posted it online for my co-students to read and provide feedback. I'm eager to see what they say.

Today was a decent day. I took a math test, feeling good about it, and once I was done, I turned it in to my math teacher and gave him a friendly handshake, wishing him good luck at Amazon. 

Philosophy wasn't too bad either! My teacher must've realized it was Friday and wanted to leave early. He sent us on our way about ten minutes before the class is supposed to end. Thanks for understanding our needs, philosophy teacher. We appreciate it. 

Now, I'm resting with Mason on IMVU while watching YouTube. 

In the meantime, look at my cat looking at you.

Day 90 of San Diego

Why do dreams make you exhausted? I thought I slept solidly last night, but it turns out I wake up feeling like pounded crap! 

I wonder if having active dreams (like, running or adventuring, etc.) will deceive your brain into thinking you actually did it in reality. Therefore, you wake up tired! 

That's why philosophy freaks me out because my teacher taught some pretty interesting notions on the fact of whether reality is reality or dreams are our reality. 

Mind-Rape. 

My day was okay... Until one of the guys I've known from a quarter ago decided to  judge my story I'm currently working on... He laughed at my ending. LAUGHED. I couldn't excuse myself because I was charging my phone. But I wanted to leave immediately. 

Guess who's not talking to him again? ME!

I always feel violated with that guy. He makes me feel as though I'm unintelligent... I won't know something he does know, and he gives me these raised eyebrow expressions. 

Like I said, the guy has been unfriended. 

Day 89 of San Diego

Let's be clear: I have bad news and I won't tell you at the end of this post. If that's frustrating to you and you're not ready for bad news, then please scroll down until finding a suitable place to start. :)

The bad news is... Mason might not be home until August. He was volunteered (he didn't volunteer himself, mind you. His name was randomly picked when nobody else volunteered) to participate in a facility that trains Marines to be prepared for combat. This program might begin in late March and won't end until August. The facility is thirty minutes south of his barracks. Mason doesn't know anything else about it. I felt a lightning bolt strike my heart once hearing the news... Mason and I are both crushed... Crushed is an understatement... We might go insane. We planned, since January, for him to take Leave on our third year anniversary/his 20th birthday and stay until a little after July 4th. Now, that might not happen.

If Mason won't be home for our anniversary/his birthday, it'll be the second year we spend it separated. I always despise spending Valentines Day, Christmas, my birthday, his birthday, our anniversary... pretty much EVERY SINGLE DAY without HIM by my FREAKIN' SIDE! And I mean LITERALLY!

It's a struggle... But I'll try not to freak out. That'll hurt my goal on staying positive.

The good news about the bad news is that Mason might still be able to communicate with me. Maybe not through IMVU, but definitely through texting and possible calling.

Anyway... My day was fine. I had an anxiety attack during Philosophy. It was so bad, I skipped English. The anxiety attack started after Mason told me he had bad news (and wanted to call me later to tell me) AND by remembering that I forgot to upload my comments to people's story's! I didn't even READ THEM, FOR CRUD'S SAKE!

We've been critiquing people's story's for almost a month now. I can't believe I had forgotten. Panicking over my grade lowering, I had to leave. I had to go home and do my homework and write my story and... CHILL.

My English teacher understood, I left for home, I finished some of my homework before going to therapy. Therapy released a lot of tension! I'm glad it's off of my chest. After therapy, I drove to Lincoln Park. I wanted to surround myself with nature; especially at a place that I deeply cared for in my heart.

I've decided to change my story to something I can easily write about without many people judging because it's not based on "fact." The story will be loosely based on Mason and I and our struggle with him being involved with the Marines. THAT'S ALL I'LL SHARE! EVERYTHING ELSE IS SECRET!

No stealing. :)

I'm proud of it so far. I want to continue and hopefully finish it before Feb/28th or March/1st. I need it posted by then on my English class's website for people to read and comment.

Again, WISH ME LUCK!

Cave Inn

"After two days of trekking and caving, we reached the first camp inside Hang Son Doong [mountain river cave], the world's largest cave," writes Your Shot contributor Ryan Deboodt. "The entire way, I was in awe of the scene unfolding in front of me. The atmosphere created by the clouds entering the cave from the first doline (opening in the cave ceiling) was surreal. I couldn't get over the fact that we would be camping at this most unique location and wanted to capture the feeling of having this at your doorstep." (By: Ryan Deboodt)

Day 88 of San Diego

I know.

I didn't write a post last night.

This morning, I figured that out.

WELL, I'M BACK AND HERE TO UPDATE YOU ON STUFF!

Considering Sunday was unfathomably terrible (please don't ask), I'm happy to say my days are looking up. I'm training my brain to act positively. I'm trying my best to watch my wording, control my emotions, and not judge. This goes for my thoughts, too. I believe in Karma. I believe if I think positively and act upon it, Karma won't take advantage. At least, the negative part of Karma.

On Monday, I was handed back my math quiz I took on Friday. To my surprise, I got a 100%. Thankfully, the questions I missed weren't too many points. In English, I participated in giving good feedback to the students that had a story due that day. I avoided giving negative feedback.

Today, I heard some interesting news. My math teacher put in an application for Amazon and was accepted. He leaves on March 3rd. The quarter doesn't even end there. Once he's gone, we'll be getting a new teacher. I'm hoping this new teacher will teach in the way my brain will understand. In a sense, I'm glad my current math teacher is leaving. The way he teaches my brain doesn't comprehend. In another sense, I'm going to kind of miss him. He is an energetic guy. He livens math. But I wish him luck on his next job.

Tonight, I'm slightly stressing over my short story project that's due on February 30th. I'm indecisive on how I want to write out my ideas into a story. I've written stories before abandoning them. Since I'm learning how to become more positive, I want to spread this positive aura even in my writing. I'm thinking of writing a comical story on Slender Man wanting to befriend humans. But I'm pressured by my fellow students. I don't agree with how they critique. I don't want them to say I was wrong because something sounded unrealistic when the story is fiction.

I'll try my best to avoid feeling pressured by the soon-to-come critiquing. It'll be a great way to prepare myself for society when I start publishing books.

I'll stay positive.

Send me happy thoughts!

  

Day 86 of San Diego

I had a mental breakdown today. 

It really bites the dust when people abuse your kindness. 

Why?...

Why do people have the desires to ruin other people's lives? Does it really make them feel better in the end? Or does it backfire in the future when they realized they were apart of that person's reason to commit suicide? Maybe they wouldn't even care? Or they would care, but not show it? What is their purpose??? To show-off? To look tough? To be cool? I'll never understand bullies... And I hope they understand that there is such a thing called Karma. 

Is that what happened to me today? Karma? Did I do something wrong in my life that made the gods angry? What? Maybe they should tell me first instead of acting like school girls on their periods, bursting their emotions all over people! That would reassure me! Warn me a bit before pushing me down in the dumps. 

Maybe I haven't seen the warnings? Maybe I've been unintentionally ignoring the gods's warnings... 

Maybe I just need to be nicer...

Or maybe I should be upfront. Maybe I should let people know how I feel. 

Or maybe I shouldn't deal with them at all?

I shouldn't worry about having friends. I have my bundle. I don't need anymore. Sure, if people want to be my friend, I'll consider it. But I won't get overly attached.

New rule in life people; if you've been hurt over and over like me, it's time to stop getting attached to people. You may never know what evil plan they're brewing until it strikes you down. 

You can show people that you respect them, but don't show them that you were hurt a multitude of times. And don't show them that you're suddenly attached. That's when the Dingo eats the baby.

Got it memorized? 

Day 85 of San Diego

I'm in love with Markiplier. 

NOT IN THAT WAY!

In a wow-this-guy-is-great way. 

I'm also "in love" with his two best friends, Bob and Wade (muyskerm and Lordminion777) They too have YouTube accounts. Please go check them out and support them. They definitely deserve it. :)

I've grown attached to these guys even more so while watching the Farewell Livestream today. It started at 9:30 AM and ended at 9 PM. I watched it from the beginning to the end. The reason why it was called the "Farewell Livestream" is because Mark is leaving to L.A., California. He currently lives in Cincinnati. His friend Wade lives there and Bob used to live there but has moved to another state. Mark has been in Cincinnati his entire life. 

As Mark was wrapping up, he got upset. When he got upset, I got upset. And when I got upset, Wade and Bob started getting upset. And by upset, I mean teary eyed and choked up. It was an emotionally real experience with them considering it was live. I'm happy I joined the Livestream. I've never witnessed one until today. I can't wait to see one again of Markiplier, Wade and Bob. 

Thanks guys for being apart of our lives. You've helped us out through thick and thin. Whenever I'm down, I know you guys can cheer me up. Please keep up the great work. Love you guys. <3

To end this, I'm posting an awesome picture of Indigo chilling on my laptop. It's something cool, right? Makes sense, right? 

Day 84 of San Diego

So many great movies!!! I'm glad mom brought back the Pay Per View channels. Just in time before the movies turn into repeats or crappy ones that are from Netflix. 

Excluding my math test (in which I'm sure I did awful on since I asked my previous math teacher about the questions I struggled with and if I got the correct answers... And I didn't), my day wasn't too shabby. After school, I signed up for TRiO; a first generation student program that helps students with what classes they should take each quarter and what degree they should think in accomplishing. My previous math teacher introduced it to me (since she cares about me that much) and I'm happy she did. :) Now I won't have to struggle on what I want to do. 

The bummer is... I can't stay at Bellevue to get my BA. I have to go to a four year, like Western. I would LOVE to go to Western... but I would have to live in a dorm or an apartment by myself... I don't think I'm ready for that. 

I don't know if there's a nice four year where I live. 

I guess I'll take my chances and sacrifice being close to home. Dammit, college... 

Right now, I'm chatting with Mason. 

I also would like to share a spooky, yet interesting, fact about the quietest room in the world. You read that right. Check it: