But before I move forward by telling you how progressive my day went, I want to acknowledge something... Remember on Sunday how I was thanking Fang for "straightening me out"? I regret thanking him. I don't say that in a vengeful tone. I say that in a "I realized who I am, and though people have different opinions of me, I shouldn't change who I am just to satisfy that one person." Of course, if I was addicted to alcohol or drugs, I would want people, whom cared for me, to ask if I could change - an intervention even.
This isn't as serious as drugs and alcoholism. I believe I said I was acting selfish by complaining over my feelings and not considering other's feelings.
False.
I do care about people's feelings!!! I have always!!! But there does come a time when a person can take so much until bursting... That's what happened. Fang burst because his feelings were cooped up while taking on other people's negative feelings. It's a reaction every human does. I don't blame myself (anymore) for crying on friends's shoulders. I AM going through a tough time. People who are BLIND can see that. So, when you come up to me and tell me, "Other people have problems," that shows me you don't care about how I feel. I'm just a "complainer." And for the one about how I "trail back to myself," I only did that once or twice because I wanted my feelings off of my chest. That doesn't make me selfish. That makes me trust you - that makes me feel you are special enough for me to tell you everything because I know you're a good friend of mine.
The person I should be thanking is my therapist. She reassured me today about what really was said on Sunday. I still give gratitude to Mason, but not to Fang. I shared with Fang how self-conscious I became when he lashed out on me based off of a reaction I assumed he believed was the wrong one.
I am not selfish. I am not a complainer. I am human. I'm jealous when seeing couples because they remind me of Mason not being here. That's it. End of story.
Now onto the positive story:
I found out I have a 94.5% in my ENGL 101 class! That was a surprise to me since I have such low self-esteem. Trust me, I don't think I'm good at ANYTHING.
Yet I do know I can pick out giant pumpkins! Bryndis joined mom and I at the house before we cruised down to a pumpkin patch we visit each year. We could NOT stop choosing pumpkins! We went pumpkin crazy. GINORMOUS pumpkin crazy! I can't wait to open them up and cook the seeds in our secret sauce. Mmmm!
After Bryndis drove home, mom and I hopped into the car again and drove to grandpa's and grandma's house to watch the Seahawks play against the Cardinals. It was a tense game... Nothing to fuss over, but I'm always tense during a football game. I screamed so loud one time, I gave myself a headache...
Glad the Seahawks are winning! 6-1!!! Maybe now the world will recognize us as one of the greats?
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