Day 46 of North Carolina

I'm seriously starting to hate this app... I despise repeating myself. Goddamn app keeps deleting my posts that I don't publish, yet I exit out to go on Google, search for what I want, come back, and the stupid app acted as if I didn't type anything...

Thanks technology... You're the best.

I'll repeat... Just not word-for-word.

My day was good. I'm exhausted, though. I thought I had great, solid sleep but... who knows?

More homework. I guess I'm not getting a break - whether it's the first day of school or the week of finals. Joy...

After homework, I watched VICE videos. I watched a documentary of our oceans waters being highly polluted by plastics and other products we use on a daily basis. During this series of three videos, a trio of VICE journalists joined a two-manned boat for a couple weeks journey. In total, there were four men and one chick. 

I figured either this girl would hook up with one of the guys or with all of them. No matter what, I assumed there would be some romance.

And what do you know? The blonde DID hook up with someone. Not the captain or the co-captain, but with one of her teammates. 

Okay, Jim and Pam.

The Office humor.

One part of the video had a scene where the two kissed. Nothing passionate, but sweet; like it was their first time kissing each other. I almost felt happy for them. Almost. Until I realized I haven't been kissed or touched or cuddled or caressed in a little over nine months. So, these days when I see people with somebody, having the time of their lives with their partner, I visualize myself pouring gasoline on to me and setting myself on fire. 

I hate it.

I hate the fact that my life situation is a waiting game. 

I can't have what I need. I can't have what I desire. And when things don't go my way... prepare for my wrath... 

I miss romancing... I'm kind of desperate... Not in the sense that I would cheat on Mason or leave Mason... but really, guys... I'm going crazy.

I should get some sleep...