Last night, Mason and I discussed about what's been happening for the past month and a half. Because of my overwhelming, almost uncontrollable, depression, Mason and I were constantly bickering over little things. I was thinking about ending the relationship. I thought leaving Mason would resolve the hurt. I felt like I was the "bad guy." But Mason told me leaving each other over my depression would be silly. He said, "There isn't a "good guy" or a "bad guy" in a relationship. There's "Me" and there's "You."" He said he understood what I was dealing with. I mean, I've been telling him about every infection I would suddenly contract. We listened to each other. We suggested a few things. We empathized each other.
Finally, I had an epiphany.
I need to help myself.
I don't NEED help from other people. I sort of don't WANT help from anyone. I appreciate support. That's always welcome. But I know myself better than anybody else.
When I said to Mason, "I want to help myself," I felt weight lift off of my shoulders. It was as if my mind calmly cheered, "Yes... Believe in yourself!"
Tonight, I'm going to play Destiny with Mason. My goal is to ignore the negative assumptions that I'm a bad player or that Mason is "stealing my kills and XP," etc. I'm going to focus on the game - the story, the atmosphere, and the joy of being able to play with Mason.
My depression has done too much pushing. It's time to shove back.
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| Svan Rider |
Centuries-old defensive towers loom over remote villages in the Svaneti region of Georgia’s Caucasus Mountains. Svans in the collection of villages that make up Ushguli—a World Heritage site—hold on to deep traditions. Horses still provide reliable transport throughout the largely roadless region. (By: Aaron Huey)
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