Yesterday, right off the bat, began chaotically. Mason and I were in a tiff with each other over him not expressing what was on his mind (which he doesn't often). Having horrible anxiety, my imagination brought up scenarios of what could be on his mind and how I would react to it. Trying to erase dramatic scenes of yelling and possibly breaking up with him, I moved my thoughts to my finals.
That didn't help with the anxiety. It upped it a bit.
... More like a lot...
I was panicking over the PowerPoint my SOC teammate was supposed to finish last Saturday. But constantly, he kept telling the group, "I'll get it done tomorrow." Tomorrow would arrive and he would again tell us, "I'll get it done tomorrow."
To back up, SOC's final is a presentation on each team's research on subjects - like music videos, sex toys - that prove our society is entangled in sexually representing/stereotyping the body. Our group researched different genres of music videos. I chose Pop.
Anyway... Yesterday I was worried that I would have to tell my teammate, "Look, you obviously can't handle creating a PowerPoint. Let me take over." I... couldn't handle creating a PowerPoint in such a small amount of time. I was beyond stressed. I AM beyond stress. My health is depleting by the DAY.
I was so stressed yesterday, I gave myself "anxiety poops." That's right. The type of poops that shoot out of your ass, making every kind of farting noise. The kind of poops you don't want anyone else hearing because you know DAMN WELL they'll record your pain, show it to their friends, and become a top hit on YouTube for about three weeks.
Avoiding that tragedy, I tried to poop most of it out at home. Yet I had to leave.
I should have stayed and tried harder...
I had to poop SO BAD while driving to school. Oh my God... I don't think I've ever felt that strain before! My brain was about to give-up. It kept telling me, "Just CRAP already! I don't feel good! If you crap now, you won't have to worry for the rest of the day!" But I was yelling back, "Then I'd have to turn around and grab new pants! That'll make me late for class!" And my brain fought back, nagging, "Dammit, I don't care! At least you have new pants at home!" The struggle continued for a good ten minutes.
When I drove on campus and found a parking spot, I literally didn't slow down much while parking. I saw an empty space, went for it like a torpedo, and parked the best parking job I have EVER parked during the time I've parked in that general area. It was beautiful!
Without any time to celebrate, I shut my car off, grabbed my things and walked fast to the nearest building. My brain repeated, "Go to the bathrooms in the closest building. Go to the bathrooms in the closest building!"
The S-building appeared and my brain shouted, "THERE! I bet nobody goes to the S-building bathrooms! There isn't service in that building! PEOPLE NEED SERVICE WHILE POOPING!"
I rushed inside the building and took tight turns around corners. But as I was walking to the bathroom, I heard footsteps behind me. I peered over my shoulder and it was a girl. I suddenly couldn't breathe. I said to myself, "Dear Jesus, I hope she doesn't follow me into the bathroom..."
She does.
She had to blow her nose five billion times to unclog one nostril, therefore I needed to buy time. I strolled over to a sink and turned on the water. I carelessly splashed water on my face; rubbing my eyes and my cheeks - before taking a paper towel and drying my face. As I did so, my brain and I started debating again. I couldn't make up my mind on whether or not I should find another bathroom or wait until the girl left.
I chose to wait it out.
I didn't know what else to do other than walk into a stall. And that's what I did. I found an empty stall, far from where the girl was, and slowly closed the door. I slowly locked it; slowly took off my backpack; slowly removed my keys, iPhone, and sunglasses; slowly placed the items in my backpack; slowly unbuttoned my pants; slowly sat on the toilet; and silently waited.
It was dreadfully awkward for me to sit on the toilet in silence. Whenever I know someone has been sitting on the toilet for a long time without hearing them pee or poop, I figure they're pushin' one out. Although I did need to push one out, I didn't want the girl to assume I was. I tried to loosen up my bladder without my intestines letting loose, yet that didn't work. Everything wanted to happen at once. So, I waited.
I waited. And waited. And listened. And waited.
FINALLY... WHAT FELT LIKE THE TRANSITIONING INTO A NEW ERA... the girl leaves.
And I let it all out.
After I had done my duty (L.O.L.), I washed my hands and left for ENGL class. The anxiety still clung onto me like a desperate girlfriend, but I tried to relax and let myself know that nothing was out of control yet.
... It was only compact as sh**.
I was still worrying over what Mason had on his mind. He wasn't texting me, which I figured was the sign that he didn't want to deal with me. That made me feel worse.
During a group discussion, a few of my friendly teammates asked if I was okay. I definitely didn't hide my anxious facial expression. I told them the truth (without much detail) and they wished for me to feel better.
Thanks, Cierra and Dean. <3
After class, Dean pulled me aside to ask what was going on. I told him everything - from the beginning of the SOC group project to me and Mason's tiff that day. He agreed that my life was sucking currently. And I didn't feel offended because he was right. I felt better once complaining. I didn't have "anxiety poops" for the rest of the day.
Carrying on to today, Mason admitted what was on his mind. He's worried about his Leave possibly not being approved. I don't know why it wouldn't be. He's a hardworking Marine. People like him! They respect him! They should give him a break to see his family and friends.
The teammate who has been working on the PowerPoint did finish it. Yesterday evening, to be precise. Today, the group and I went over the PowerPoint to "beautify" it. An hour wasn't enough time to satisfyingly get through all that we wanted to say. Yet I'm praying the PowerPoint creator knows what he's doing and heard what we discussed and can finish the completed PowerPoint by tonight.
If not... he will feel my wrath...
Today, I also heard AMAZING news on one of my favorite games, LittleBIGPlanet. Media Molecule has scheduled LittleBIGPlanet 3 to be shelved in November! Here's the trailer! BLUE (my PS3 friend since 2009 who plays LittleBIGPlanet with me) AND I ARE TOTALLY STOKED!
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