Day 15 of Leave

I'm home. Alone. For the second time from the past two weeks. Mason isn't with me because yesterday and today we were fussing. I'm an emotional wreck right now and I feel as though nobody cares. I made an appointment with my therapist for Wednesday at 3:30. I'll be able to get my feelings out there.

I don't particularly like sharing how I feel anymore. People don't like what I have to say. So why say it? No matter how many times you people ask, whenever I tell you what's wrong, you guys flip out as if I'm some maniac not shunned inside a ward. Maybe, instead of pestering me all the time with your questions of "What's wrong?" or "What happened?" etc., if you figure out that I'm upset (because I show it off pretty openly) and I'm not so Chatty-Cathy, then please don't ask. If you ask, you're not going to like what I'm going to say. I'll either say what is ACTUALLY on my brain or I'll constantly say, "I don't know. I don't know" even when I DO know. If I want to talk about it, then I will. And if you want to be nice enough to listen, I'd really appreciate it.

I just... hate it how you people react so NEGATIVELY towards me nowadays. It hurts my feelings even MORE. All I want is love and attention and REASSURANCE that everything will be okay. The only person who is helping me is my therapist and she hardly knows me.

So... everyone... please take it easy on me.

But... enough about my problems... Let's talk about today.

Besides Mason and I, I went home around 3:20ish to get ready because I and the folks were heading down to grandma Gains' house to pick her up and take us to the Spaghetti Factory. It was a wonderful dinner together and once we were full and ready to go, we went back to grandma's place and opened up a few presents. She loved all of her owl stuff. She does look like an owl person to me.

Well, about 15 minutes later, I passed out on the floor. Lately I haven't been getting good sleep because Mason tends to take over the bed. I couldn't tell him to scoot over because 1) it's his bed and 2) he'd whine about it. So, I practically made his wall my snuggle buddy. I got real close and personal with it...

Like, I would have to push on the wall so I could turn over. I had the space as wide as my laptop. That's not a lot... At all.

I'm glad I'm little.

Tomorrow we're having a football party at my place. I don't think I'll be here for it. I might be with Mason the whole time. We... have to talk some things through...

God, and that's the hardest job for me to do right now...

Wish us luck.