Well, well, well... Guess who is depressed and not ready to see Mason??? This guy...
I can't believe it. I was perfectly fine the other day. Now I'm completely overwhelmed with thoughts about our relationship not going to work out and me being lonely for the rest of my miserable life. Shoot, I'm going to lonely for the next 5 years... So leaving Mason wouldn't make a difference.
IMVU was fine today. It wasn't that. It was the letter that came in just an hour ago. It was written by Mason 2 WEEKS back! I guess I don't have to answer the phone anymore. He won't be calling. He never got the privilege to...
Go suck one, Hope...
He also told me that he has made his arrangements for a plane. So... we have to cancel his flight. Do we get our money back?? ...
He leaves at 4:30 PM and arrives at Seattle around 7:30ish PM. I won't even be able to be with him on the mother suckin' PLANE!
The good news is that he got 30 days off besides the 10.
The stupid news is that he's going to be working at an office after Christmas...
Wow.
And I thought our lives were going to go back to the way they used to be... I guess not. We might as well be FRIENDS!
Once again, go suck one, Hope.
I just can't BELIEVE this crud right now, man!! Being a military girlfriend SUCKS!!!! You have to literally grow BALLS and have a heart made out of STEEL to do this job...
Maybe I SHOULD go back to the me who was dark and enjoyed hardcore rock because it explained my life. Maybe I'll be HAPPIER that way; so I won't be flawed by Hope anymore... I'll just be neutral - not give a rats ass what happens. It sounds EASIER that way. I'd like it to be easier on me. But what about Mason? And other people? I know you're asking those questions.
Well the answer is, "I'm not strong enough."
Never will be. I'll always be that sensitive little girl who cries over everything - who gets laughed at because she has feelings - who gets frowned at because I care about things...
The only plus of the day was having a really handsome guy come over, named Gage, to check out our heater system in the house.
That's it.
Man... Maybe I should get on some drugs... Maybe not birth control; that sounds weak compared to the crap I'm dealing with. So many feelings... so many thoughts on what to do and what could make my life better... Yet I'm scared to do 'em because I fear they might not work and I'll become worse...
... It's official. "Love Stinks. Yea, yea... Love Stinks."
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