Day 10 of Camp P.

Today was awful.

I didn't go to school. I only had one class and that was math. Since I'm doing substantially good in math, I went home after getting word from a classmate in Italian that class was canceled.

I wanted to go home when I got an upsetting text from Mason's recruiting SGT. anyway. I guess I over-stepped my boundaries with him... I thought of him as a friend, but, I suppose, it wasn't the same for him to me. A couple days ago, I sent SGT. a text saying, "Hi :) I miss you..." Really, I didn't think I should have added the "I miss you" part. I had a sense that it was a bit much. But I do! I do miss him. He's a super cool dude. I just wanted to let him know. I mean, shoot... Mason gave me his cell to text him while he was gone. I took it as a privilege and so that I wouldn't be lonely.

I didn't get a reply that day. I got the replies today. I was walking to class and he texted, "Was that meant for me?" At first, I wanted to say, "No! Sorry! That was for Mason. Sorry." yet I didn't want to lie. I wanted him to know! Because I thought he thought I was his friend too! So I answered, "Haha. Yea. Was that inappropriate? :( I'm sorry if it was."

Well, the next response was heartbreaking. I think it was scripted. It had a lot of bold, intelligent words in it. He said how someone would see it as inappropriate but to him, he understood. Then he said something about how he can't make relationships with the people he interacts with because he's a Marine. He told me he didn't want to be rude, but his personal cell was for emergencies only.

I said back, "No problem. I understand, sir." though I really didn't...

I was butt-hurt. I still am. I made things awkward. But that's through my eyes. I felt like a retard. I knew I shouldn't have said the "I miss you" part, yet I was only trying to be nice.

I had therapy today. If I didn't, I don't think I'd be writing all of this. My therapist and I discussed on the subject of relationship making. I explained that, when I meet someone and they like me and respect me and maybe they're even friends with a friend of mine, I get attached. Age doesn't matter to me... Kind of.

You get my point.

Nonetheless, she told me about professionalism and how in the professional world, relationships are limited. It doesn't mean that person hates you all of a sudden. They may still like you! However, when it comes to getting personal, that's sort of a No-no.

-sigh- ... I hate rules.

Sometimes, I wish I weren't Me.