I woke up this morning, after having dreamt a series of creepy dreams, my brain was at least joyful to see a friend who I've known since daycare. I sent him a Good Morning text and went downstairs to sit in my infamous purple chair to wait for his text back stating he would want to see me at a certain time. I texted Scott while waiting so I could get the chills from my dreams out of my system.
Nonetheless, an hour later, my friend, Will, texts me back saying he forgot that he had multiple essays due tomorrow and a couple of tests also. So, we couldn't hang out. I was utterly bummed out... I was looking forward to this day since Wednesday! I pushed the depression deep down inside myself so I could be happy for today! And I get the text of denial... You know how miserable I feel? I feel pretty goddamn miserable.
And about my other friend, Miranda, who's blog post got a surprise comment from me? Yea, well, I haven't gotten a reply back neither. I'm sure she's busy in Turkey, but still; doesn't make me any happier to be patient.
Last night, however, I did play GTA with my PS3 friend, Blue. We played for a couple hours until he had to go to bed. It was fun shooting at people and crashing cars and creating glitches. We were laughing and freaking out the whole time; it was entertaining.
I did say I'd do it again tonight but... I'm not sure... I'm getting used to this lonely status. Maybe becoming anti-social is how I am supposed to go...
Become a mute.
Learn sign language.
People like sign language. They think it's intriguing.
...
My dreams were very realistic.
The first dream was a nightmare. It was quick, yet still scary and bizarre. My mom and I walked into this dim, dank room that was full of spiderwebs with spiders attached to them. Some of the spiders were ginormous, others were normal sized. You had to be cautious walking around the small room or else you'd run into a spiderweb and possibly its owner. You could hardly see the webs! You had to be at a specific angle to see them. Or, shine a flashlight on them works too.
I believe I spontaneously found a sniper rifle and began shooting at the individual spiders. I had a pretty good eye in that dream.
My second dream was even more unusual. All of my friends and people I knew from Evergreen were at this field. And this field was beautiful; colorful plants, flowers, and trees. The weather was gorgeous too; bright and sunny with baby blue skies. There would be these portal type deals where if you came close to them, they'd ZIP you to another field. And of course, more Evergreen students would be at that next field too.
Remember me talking about my one friend who crushed my heart and soul by ignoring me for good after telling him I liked him?
He was in this dream.
I tend to have dreams about him; only because we never had closure and my dreams try to create one for me.
In the dream, I saw him hanging around a few of my friends. But he'd also be acting as if he wanted my attention to be put on him. I didn't know why he'd be acting that way, so I kept slightly ignoring him. I soon teleported into another field with him surprisingly following me. Just then, I saw him walk up beside me and he took a hold of my hand. I was shocked! Why would he do such a thing? I didn't get an answer because that dream ended right afterwards.
The third dream was the worst. It started out with my middle school having a fashion show in this weird building. The room was little and wasn't all that neat. There was barely an audience. We all sat on the floor while a curtain held the kids behind it. They'd come out one by one, music playing, and they'd show off their outfits. I was sitting next to Mason and as the teachers prepped up the kids, I noticed the newest gym teacher who took the place of my friend/gym teacher. He looked IDENTICAL to my teacher friend. It freaked me out! I whispered to Mason, almost in tears, "He looks just... like... Daniel."
I'm not positive that I shared with you guys on what happened to him so... I'll tell you the story in a moment.
Once the fashion show was over, the new gym teacher left through a door. I decided to follow him. I wanted to get to know him since he looked so similar to my gym teacher friend, Daniel. What was most strange about the building, was that it seemed to be a part of a hospital. As I went through these tight corridors, filled with junk and garbage, I'd find myself in a hospital room with a couple of old folks playing cards.
Why did that image float into my dream? Don't ask me! I guess, because, every hospital needs old people I suppose.
Finally, I caught up to him. He was standing by a room with the door wide open. Caution tape was placed over the opening and inside the room, it was a mess. Flashes from a camera would go off every couple of seconds. I noticed some blood on the floor and a white board, propped up near the door, showing words printed in blood. I don't know what it said. I tried looking farther in the room but the teacher held out a hand, telling me to stop. Then, he walked away with me tracing his steps.
"You know, you remind me of the gym teacher that you took the place of." I randomly said to him. "Yeeaa?" he replied, acting as if he were annoyed with my presence. "Yea. What's your name?" "Deanirosi." he answered. And the dream ended.
I don't know the new gym teachers real name yet that name stuck in my memory compartment. I don't even know what he looks like...
Now, the story about my teacher friend is kind of long. It's dramatic, traumatizing, and true. After reading this story, you'll understand why I freaked out in my dream.
We met in 7th grade. He was the coolest, most sarcastic gym teacher I had ever met. He was handsome, fit, and loved to socialize. Whenever you hung out with him, he'd make you laugh. From the day I met him and got to know who he was, I got that girly school-girl crush on him. I'd hang out with him ALL the time; during class, during lunch, and sometimes after school. He was a coach for our school and another school too so he was usually always at school after hours.
People teased me because I hung out with him so much, yet I didn't care. I thought he was AWESOME. When 8th grade came around, we were so close, we had nicknames for each other. He was Loser and I was Homer. He'd call me Homer all the time. It made him laugh. When I began going to high school, I'd visit him still when school was out. Or, if it were gym and we were running around the track, I'd see him outside with his class and say Hi to him and chat with him for a while before we had to go our separate ways.
When I moved to my other high school, I hardly got to visit him. I was so busy every day! Junior year was nuts in a private school. However, when I'd get a day off from homework, I'd go see him. The last time I saw him was in Junior year. It was close to summer and I decided to pay him a visit. He was in the gym, coaching the girls basketball team. He was amazed to see me! Wide smile and sparkling eyes. I was real glad to see him too. I sat close to him on the stage, since I still had a crush on him, and we talked about life and all that was going on. Once the coaching was done, we exited into the boys locker room. Nobody was around. It was only us.
He kind of was acting awkward as if he didn't know what to say. He'd try to act funny but he really wasn't. He almost was being an ass. Ten minutes later, my mom came to pick me up. I said goodbye to him and hoped to see him sometime again. He said the same, calling me Homer as I left the room.
Senior year was finally here and I was, again, extremely busy. One day in January, before I turned 18 on the 25th, I was on Facebook messing around until noticing all of the excited posts. They were yelling out Daniel's name and saying, "Why?!" I immediately became concerned and found a link someone posted. I read the title of the article and my life stopped.
Highline teacher, coach charged with attempted child rape.
(http://www.komonews.com/news/local/134351908.html)
I couldn't believe it. The man who I hung out with almost every day had done such an unspeakable crime. Everybody loved him! If you would have known him, you wouldn't have guessed he'd do something so sinister. He had a beautiful wife and two kids; he'd always show me videos of his kids either playing the drums or doing something silly. We'd josh around and poke fun and have a great time together... Yet oddly enough, he never actually wanted to physically TOUCH me. Most teachers would give their students hugs because they liked 'em. Well, I know he liked me, but he never wanted to hug me or touch me or even be real CLOSE to me. There was also a time where he took pictures of me. He was joking around and I wasn't paying attention and he whipped out his camera and began snapping photos of me. I covered my face and pushed the camera away until he stopped.
Yet... I think he actually cared about me. That's why he didn't perform the crime on me.
Or... I just wasn't his "type."
I cried and cried and felt betrayed. I called Mason and cried to him for at least an hour. Mason let me know that it was time to let him go as a friend yet I said I wanted to stay his friend. But Mason told me I shouldn't. For months I had constant dreams about him; about me and him getting back together like the olden days. As I've said before, my brain wanted a closure and the dreams let me have one.
I wrote him a letter several months ago. He never answered back. I could have sent it to the wrong address but... still... any kind of response to my letter would have helped.
Obviously, I still do have dreams about him. I still miss him, I still want a closure, but Mason told me I couldn't do it without him being around. He doesn't want Daniel to try anything while I'm spilling my heart out to him.
You know who Daniel reminded me of? Robert Downey Jr. Same personality, similar looks; that's a reason why I love Robert Downey Jr. is because of Daniel. Nevertheless, nowadays it's mostly because he's Robert and not because he reminds me of Daniel.
Because of this occurrence, I have some trust issues. And I'd like to say I'm sorry to those who have felt that I do not trust them completely. This, and because of other happenings, is why I act that way.
Hopefully, in the future, I will have my closure with him. Or, hopefully I won't have to. He'll just become a distant memory.
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