One of my mom's friends was over at our house when I got home today. I've known him for a while and never thought of him as a bad guy or some jerk. However, today, I got offended by him. I'm guessing it wasn't his fault! He just says things without completely thinking, I suppose...We were talking about majors and degrees and what I'd like to do and how I have to switch schools in order to get my English bachelor. Out of the blue, the friend states that I'm going to change it down the road. I was baffled! Why would I change it? I've been wanting to become an author for so long! It has been my dream since I was 7.
I didn't know how to respond. I kind of went with it and chuckled a little and said I wasn't going to. But he kept saying I would or I could. Then my mom tried to make it into a JOKE which just pissed me off even more...
So... I became stubborn and acted like I didn't have an interest in his presence. Finally, he left. I was so angry, I picked up my laptop and went into the backroom. I didn't want to deal with my mom or anybody. I wanted to be alone.
Lately, I've been going through some crap. I don't know why, but I'd really like to know. Ever since Mason left, it seems to be GROWING like a virus and hitting EVERYONE. I'm just in the middle of it all...
Just like the "good" ol' days...
I'll try not to be so negative right now. All I'm saying is that... well... I'm not doing so hot anymore. I took everything in and now, my jar is full. I called my therapist last night to make an appointment and she hasn't called me or texted me back. I really hope she didn't forget about me...
I haven't seen her in over a year. Things were GREAT when Mason was around! He'd always make my days and he would always comfort me and make me feel better if something were wrong. He was my FREE therapist. He'd complain with me, too, which was fun.
But now... I kind of don't know who to turn to.
I go on a chat site called IMVU.com. I talk to people on there but even those freaks and ass wipes don't help. They're all a bunch of.... FREAKS and ASS WIPES. I do have a few people that are friendlies but... hardly. And usually they turn on me all of a sudden.
Do I have a curse on me? It feels like I do. I've felt that way for a long time. Just seems like... I'm... a PEST or something. I don't TRY to be. I'm just... ME. I didn't know that was something bad...
Anyway... Let's talk about something positive...
My driving today was better than ever so I gave myself a pat on the back for that (Yes, the to-AND-from commute) and the second day of college wasn't half bad. My math class I actually sort of like because it's on my level and everyone in there either hates math or is slow at it (like myself). My Italian class is getting hard already. A lot of the words and phrases are tongue twisters. I thought it would be similar to Spanish (which it kind of is...) yet it soooort ooof iiisn't...
Ah well!
THIRD LANGUAGE, HERE I COME!
My sobs and bawling have slowed a Hell of a lot down. I'm glad for that. I didn't want to be depressed the whole time Mason was gone. My mind is finally accepting his absence and in return, it gives me options to choose from in order to keep my thoughts at bay instead of wandering off in some Sad Land of Hopelessness and Concern.
I still do cry. I won't say I'm not. The only times I tear up or cry is either when I'm thinking about Mason or dealing with something negative (or dealing with something my mood doesn't particularly agree with). I just wish soon enough my emotions will completely settle down to where I'm back to the old Pay Pay.
And yes, Pay Pay is my nickname and Mason's is May May.
AIN'T THAT ADORABLE?!
I think so. :)
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