Day 5 of Boot Camp

I had a dream about Mason last night. It was a very romantic one (so I won't go into detail!) but also a little unusual because... it's a dream. Of course you have to have unusual parts! Nevertheless, it was highly realistic. So realistic, I almost forgot about it once I woke up! I thought it actually occurred! Yet it didn't... That almost made me cry again but I stopped myself. I can't keep doing this to myself! I have to be happy... I can't be sad. Mason will be home in 3 months; even a little less than that! It feels like 3 eons however... I just got to cope with it. I don't want him to come home to his girlfriend on medication due to her depression getting out of control.

Though I was sorrowful that the dream was just a dream, I was also very joyful at the same time. I got to see his handsome face! He even had his goatee in the dream and I love his goatee! It's fun to pull on and make him squirm. He had to shave it off for Boot Camp...

But to tell you the truth, it was nice to have a dream about him finally. I miss that goober of mine!

Just being with him in that dream was outstanding... We were together! That's all I want for Christmas... Is my boyfriend. The love of my life. I seriously don't care if ANYBODY got my ANYTHING for this Christmas because... it's not what I truly want. I want my Mason. That's the greatest gift of all to me; probably the only one that I'll cry to. Tears of sheer happiness.

I think the reason why I dreamt of Mason was because I watched Full Metal Jacket and after I saw the scene where the chubby kid blew his head off, I got intimately worried. My heart sank to my stomach where it digested it and I crapped it out. I know Mason has strong-as-Hell mentality but what if? There's always that what if... What if he's being abused? What if he finds another girl? Too many questions and it kills me...

It was a great movie, but maybe it was TOO early to watch it. Yea, I've always wanted to see it! But... I should have waited a few more days possibly.

Since I'm already on the subject of yesterday, I will tell you that I have ceased (for now) my participation on IMVU.com. I did that TODAY because YESTERDAY I realized that people don't really care about one another on that chat site. I've been on there since 2007, so I have experienced and bottled up a LOT of unnecessary negativity. I was stabbed in the back (not literally) by a guy who claimed he was in the Marines then is now in the Army. I instantly connected with him because he reminded me of Mason and that he was in the military as well. After that day, I would go online and every time he'd get online, I'd try and invite him to a chat. I liked the guy! He was kind and generous and smart... I believed we would become BFF's.

JUST... KIDDING...

He turned out to be a fake. A phony. A douche bag out there looking for some you-know-what. I didn't give it to him so he acted like the "good guy" to see if I might cheat on Mason since it's online.

Right...

Like I'm that idiotic, pal.

Anyway, he found a girl and I guessed she would be nice like him. WRONG AGAIN. She was the biggest BROAD and BITCH I have ever encountered. I had to stalk him to a public chat just to see if he were alive because he never answered my invitations. EVER. So she started kissing on him and thinking I was gonna be some dumb slut. She called me a bitch and I ever so calmly let her know that I have a boyfriend. She didn't believe me (of course not... She's too full of herself!) and soon, EVERYONE in the room showed their true colors. EVERYBODY in that ENTIRE chat room was a loser. All of them. Including the friend that I THOUGHT was my friend. He never once stood up for me.

Typical.

So, I took him off of my friends list, left him alone with his "friends" and gave him a message letting him know that I don't hang around with fakes and that I wish we never met.

That's all I need right now, huh?

Just more crap to take in and try to stuff in my jar.

Well, not anymore!

I'm done with that website. Hardly anybody on my FRIENDS LIST cared about me anyway. Why bother with a bunch of screwy people? Why? I kept trying to find people to talk to but NOPE. A day would go by and I'd feel lonelier than before.

Now I'm going to try out this website called MarineFamilyNetwork.com. Those people on there, I already can tell, will care for you because they know exactly what you're going through. They won't brush you off of their shoulder thinking you're lying or over-dramatic. They'll most likely comfort you and be there for you.

And that's all I need. Is some comfort and support.

Other then that, my day today was fine. I met another person today in Italian. Her name is Jodi. The only reason why I can remember her name is because of Jodi Foster. My dad USED to be in love with her until he found out she was gay...

Maybe I'll add her to my REAL life friends list? That would be lovely. Nice girl :)

In an hour or so, me and my padres will be heading to a fair. I wish it wasn't so... GREY outside. I'd like for it to brighten up a bit. That would help my mood. Probably everyone's mood... Ah well. I know I'll have fun. I'll buy whatever I like there.