I just came home from my 2 classes at my college. It was boring yet quick which was nice for a change. I don't have to be FORCED doing 6-7 classes a day for 4 years.
I should get my licence revoked...
This morning I had the urge to write a post but I had things to do and find and pack up. Every morning and every night I feel terrible. I feel sick and isolated. I feel like I'm waking up in a dream... I don't get a "Good morning honey, I love you <33333" or a "Goodnight hon. I love you <3 I will TTYL and maybe see you tomorrow too. Night. Sleep well. <33333333 I love you."
It's surreal.
It's hopeless.
Because of this loss, every night, prior to falling asleep, I lie in bed and "talk to him" as if he can hear me AAAAALL the way in San Diego. I just... whisper to him. I tell him I love him and I hope he's not scared. I always add that I miss him and I can't wait to see him. I sometimes tell him how my day went and/or what happened. Then I kiss the key he handed back to me (which I do time to time now anyway). Then I cry and sob, holding on to the shirts and jacket he lend to me, occasionally sniffing them to get his scent. That just makes it worse, sort of speak. His scent calms me for a moment, but once I realize he's really not with me, I bawl.
In all honesty, I didn't truly think my driving would be affected. Yea, I am kind of a crazy driver on the freeways because they make me nervous to drive on. Yet I almost got into literal car crashes! That made me flip out even more and got one driver extremely angry because I cut into his/her lane a bit too hastily and my car's butt almost hit his/her cars face! He/she had to brake immediately or my dumbass would have collided with him/her. Gah... She/he even honked at me... I hate it when people honk at me... Sooo... today, I felt like an ass on the road.
Makes me remember when I was playing GTA Liberty City Stories on my PS3 and Mason was sitting next to me. He was watching me drive and I think we were chatting about my actual driving skills in the real world. He said something like, "Honey, you're a great driver. But I don't think I would trust you driving me around if I first saw you playing THIS, driving like THAT!"
It was hilarious.
And it's true.
Matter of fact, I am somewhat a good driver.
... And I drive insanely on GTA.
Who doesn't?
Anyway, lets talk about my time at my college. I found a parking spot (which I doubted) and walked to my first class; MATH! I was sitting outside the room, goofing off with my apps on my cellular device, waiting for the people already in the room to leave. Suddenly, two dudes head my way. One sat down, the other stood. They were talkin' smack and gossiping and complaining like a bunch of 8th graders (Where I live, the 8th graders are pretty... well... wicked and annoying). They both looked kind of grubby; as if they didn't have a lot of money to buy decent clothes. That didn't bother me. What DID bother me, wasn't only how obnoxiously stupid they were, but was the fact on how they tried to look "gangsta". The dude that was standing wore a pink camo backpack while the dude who was sitting wore sunglasses and was playing with his fat iPod. All I wanted to do was text Mason, "OMG, I am sitting near a couple of weirdo douche-dicks who think they're tough guys! I hope they aren't in my math class!" Because seriously... That's ALL I needed; were douche-bags in a class that teaches a subject I IGNORE. Nonetheless, I texted my friend Alex, just to get the thoughts off of my brain.
After about... 25 minutes of their babbling, they left. I let out a giant sigh of relief - especially when class started and they weren't in my class.
Now, I was expecting the test to be hard. We couldn't even use calculators! The reason for the test? To see which book we buy. I guess the math class isn't just one big ol' lecture. We'll be working on our own and if we need help, we call the teacher over. I like out teacher. She's short, chubby, and Indian. Those accents ROCK!!!!
50 minutes later, when I had to go to my next class (Italian), I noticed I had only done about... 10 problems out of... more than 20 I believe. It was useless. I didn't even try to hurry up; I just turned it in and left.
My Italian class I KNOW will be a blast because our teacher is cute, Italian, and hilarious. Very bubbly too. It was good to laugh today. That was a plus.
A negative was driving back home.
I sucked... AGAIN.
Almost cried... AGAIN.
I turn on the radio each time so I could calm my senses. Sometimes it works. Sometimes.
Now I'm safe at home, relaxing. Later on this week I think me and Chris and maybe Grandma Debra will call and talk. We should Skype too. I love Skyping :)
Especially with Mason.
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